This past week (and some) I've been having a lot of trouble. It's been that little voice inside me saying, "it's too difficult," or "why bother?" My practice fell apart. I've been to social gatherings but avoided other people because it was easier. I felt that overwhelming feeling of inadequacy. I'm not good enough to engage with these people. It's too much trouble to sit. That little voice that feeds me all of the excuses I need.
I feel like I've been really passive about it. "Oh, things are OK, but I don't really need to exert myself, things will sort themselves out." That depressive, "bleh" feeling that things kind of suck but it's too much work to make them better.
I'd forgotten what being a warrior is all about. I was reminded of that this evening. That, "oh, it's too hard," feeling isn't a mellow thought, it's a call to arms. It DEMANDS a roar of determination; if you do not overcome this self doubt, you are MISSING EVERYTHING. You are MISSING your life!
That fire, the passion, the curiosity; that is what being a warrior in Shambhala is all about. These opportunities that arise for us, the chances that life gives us to either say, "yeah, whatever," or to step up, to engage, even, and especially, when we're afraid. That is how you learn about yourself, about reality, and grow your own strength.
Fearlessness is the essence of being a warrior. Not in the sense of not being afraid, but moving beyond that fear, even though you're terrified.
Thank you, Valerie, for reminding me, for reminding all of us, that we need to turn towards the discomfort. That is where the heart of warriorship lies.
Great post - I needed the reminder as well. I have been reading alot about the importance of facing fear as well as vulnerability lately (thanks in part to a link shared via email to Brene Browns talk on the POwer of Vulnerability) - the topic keeps coming up for me in different contexts in different areas of my life and the timing and synchronicity is uncanny. Its always something I've struggled with so thanks for this. One part of this post is really sticking with me which is "if you don't overcome this self-doubt you are missing everything!" This is so true and I need to keep reminding myself it.
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